Christmas Chaos 12-6-13
Dec 6, 2013 8:47:11 GMT -7
Post by howardschilling on Dec 6, 2013 8:47:11 GMT -7
We go to a sold out Tampa Bay Times forum in Tampa, Florida. JBL and Matt Striker welcome everyone when
NWA South Beach owner Howard E. Schilling comes out wearing a nice Armani suit. He gets in the ring and grabs a mic.
Howard: My name is Howard E. Schilling. Not Schiller, not Schenecdeddy *Crowd: WHAT?*, not Shumer Crowd: WHAT?*, SCHILLING Crowd: WHAT?*; and before I begin tonight *Crowd: WHAT?*, I'd like to introduce a man that should be a role model for not just everyone in South Beach, but the ENTIRE NWA. Accompanied by the lovely Eva Marie, YOUR NWA SOUTH BEACH TV CHAMPION, "THE PANAMA CITY PLAYBOY" ADAM COLE!
The crowd boos as the Adam Cole comes out with the South Beach TV Title gleaming over his left shoulder. Eva Marie, wearing barely more than a bandana to cover her sizable busom and a black micro miniskirt that looks absolutely painted on, is on the champ's right arm. Howard E. goes over and holds the bottom rope open for Eva to get through while him and Adam admire the view before kissing her hand and shaking Cole's hand as the crowd boos.
Howard: Adam Cole ladies and gentlemen! Take a good look everyone, this is the man that will lead South Beach into the future and will one day wear the NWA World's Heavyweight Championship.
Crowd: SHUT THE FUCK UP! *CLAP CLAP CLAP CLAP CLAP* SHUT THE FUCK UP! *CLAP CLAP CLAP CLAP CLAP*
Howard: You all are too kind. This man right here is EVERYTHING a wrestler should be: cunning, athletic, intelligent, handsome, and well spoken. I don't have to talk for him but it is my honor to do so. Adam, I watched you flounder around as a world tag team champion with Kyle O'Reilly and thought "There is a man who is being held back by being in a tag team". You are the crown jewel of the new NWA South Beach and it is my privilege to have a front row seat as you sky rocket to being the super star that I always knew you were. Before we go any further, I must ask if everyone here in Tampa and watching at home is in the "proper frame of mind" to continue this telecast. Everyone good? Great because I need one of my minions to come out. MINION! BRING ME THE PAIL!
Everyone except for Howard, Adam and Eva Marie are perplexed until a midget comes out dressed as a minion from that hit movie Despicable Me 2, out on DVD and Blu-Ray on December 10, comes out. The minion is carrying a large pail but the camera man cannot ascertain the contents.
Howard: Thank you Kevin, you may go. *The minion shuffles out of the ring and back stage* Apparently, word on the street says that I am a mudslinger. I want every one of you to know that I have NEVER slung mud in my life. I've slung bull, I've slung water balloons from my penthouse at passerby during the hot summer months, but NEVER mud. You want me to sling mud? Fine.
Howard takes off his coat and rolls up the right sleeve of his herringbone patterned shirt before dipping his hand in the pail and bringing out a handful of mud! Howard proceeds to literally sling mud every where but at Adam Cole and Eva Marie.
Howard: Was that enough mud slinging for you? You sure? Good. Now originally I was going to have Eva Marie face Ramu Endo for whatever title she's currently claiming to hold over in JPP but then I thought better of it. It wasn't because I doubt Eva Marie's in ring prowess, it's that Eva Marie is such a phenomenal talent that she's above such ostentatious accessories as belts. Hell even the "New Territories Tiara" is beneath Eva Marie because that would mean that Eva Marie is simply a princess. She is ANYTHING but. MINIONS! BRING OUT THE CROWN! On cue three minions struggle out carrying a gigantic gold crown that is adorned with cut rubies, sapphires and emeralds. *Howard places the crown upon Eva Marie's head* Eva Marie; by the power vested in me, because I am that damn awesome, I now pronounce you QUEEN of the NWA....South Beach.
The crowd boos.
Howard: I actually have a little bit of important business to discuss first and let's face it folks, if I wanted Christmas Chaos to be me talking for three god damned hours I'd do it. Dolph Ziggler is currently attending to some business in CPW right now but that doesn't stop me from noticing how many challengers there are for the NWA North American Title. Therefore, I suggest we have a match at Starrcade. Every territory sends a participant to compete against NWA North American Champion Dolph Ziggler in a gauntlet match. CPW, Main Event, Hybrid Pro, MEX, Southwest and even South Beach will be sending a representative. Is that okay Kevin, or did me dissing your widdle buddies widdle champion get you out of that "proper frame of mind" to continue paying attention? *Howard slaps his left hand to his face in mock horror and snaps the fingers of his right hand.* Oh gosh and gee willickers. MINIONS! BRING OUT THE THREE Bs!
A midget dressed as Stuart, one dressed as Kevin, and one dressed as Billy Boy come out. Stuart is carrying a board, Billy Boy is carrying a box, and Kevin is pushing a wall on wheels that's covered by a satin sheet. They deliver the things to the ring, get their heads patted by Howard and Adam, and then leave.
Howard: You see folks, when I mentioned Kevin Crittenden's name here a broke the unspoken wrestling rule of "kayfabe". You see the owners of all the territories are supposed to be all buddy buddy to your faces; but by acting different I've broken kayfabe. Adam, please hand me that plywood board.
Cole hands the board to Howard E., which has "kayfabe" written on it in the colors of the mexican flag. Howard breaks it over his knee.
Howard: OOPS! Looks like I REALLY broke kayfabe there! You know, I really need to stop doing that. Since I broke kayfabe, then I've done yet another unconscionable thing in wrestling. *Howard E. goes to the box an pulls out a pair of acid washed jean shorts, a black fur vest and a silver glittered storm trooper helmet! Howard E. puts them on over his suit.* You know folks, I've ALWAYS thought of myself as a Shock Master. Adam, can you remove the satin from the wall?
Adam does and it's a plywood wall with "The Fourth Wall" written the same way "kayfabe" was earlier! Howard busts through "The Fourth Wall" but trips on the bottom and falls, losing the helmet which skitters away.
Howard: Oh mercy me....it looks like I've broken the fourth wall again! *Schilling, Cole and Eva Marie laugh in the middle of the ring but then Howard E. gets a real serious look on his face* HAVE I GOT YOUR ATTENTION NOW KEVIN CRITTENDEN? YOU LISTEN TO ME, AND YOU LISTEN GOOD. I'M NOT TALKING TO SUPER PORKS FAT WOMEN, CUBIC ZIRCONIUM BLUE, CUBIC ZIRCONIUM BLACK, OR ANYBODY ELSE ON YOUR ROSTER. I'M TALKING TO THE MUSTACHIOED FAT ASS BEHIND THE KEYBOARD. Kevin, the fact that after FOUR FUCKING MESSAGES, YOU CANNOT SPELL MY GOD DAMNED NAME CORRECTLY EVEN THOUGH IT'S EVERY WHERE YOU LOOK ON THE SOUTH BEACH PAGE MAKES ME THINK THAT WHOEVER YOU TUTOR IN ENGLISH MUST BE FAILING MISERABLY. You see, I am a man of honor. I handle my business right in front of every one. I don't hide in the shadows because I have nothing to hide. In the NBA, they say that "Real recognizes real". You're not real man. Your just a fat man in a little coat...like Chris Farley, only alive and not funny. If I got a problem with someone, I shoot them right between the eyes because I have enough knives stuck in my back to open up a small restaurant. I remember back to a time Kevin, about eight months ago, I seriously considered leaving the NWA. I held a press conference and called it "The Owner's Tale". You know what I remember about that press conference Kevin? Seriously, do you even have a fucking clue? I remember crying throughout the press conference because I didn't know if I'd be back or if I was making the right decision. I also remember that EVERYONE...AND I MEAN EVERYONE, WHETHER THEY LOVED ME OR HATED ME, COMMENTING ON THE SCRIPT AND TELLING ME THAT THEY WISHED ME THE BEST AND HOPED I CAME BACK. *Howard tilts his head slightly to the right, like he's contemplating something important* Then I remember you Kevin. I remember innocently logging on...musta been two weeks after that press conference. I was getting in the mood to write again, and wanted to see how much I missed. I remember seeing a message from you...AND YOU DIDN'T HAVE THE BALLS TO ACTUALLY WISH ME WELL WHERE EVERYONE CAN SEE IT!
Howard: Now you want to know if this is all a storyline. *Howard pants, gives an exhausted chuckle and wipes his brow. Even Adam and Eva are looking frightened at this point. The crowd is silent* DO I LOOK LIKE I AM TRYING TO CREATE A FUCKING STORYLINE TO YOU? DO I? THIS IS REAL GOD DAMMIT! THIS. IS. REAL. LIFE. THE NEXT TIME YOU WANT TO FUCKING TALK TO ME, YOU DO IT IN A PROMO, YOU COMMENT ON MY SHOW, HELL CHARTER A FUCKING PLANE TO FLY OVER WHEREVER YOU THINK I MIGHT BE LIVING AND WRITE IT IN THE SKY BECAUSE I'M NOT GOING TO DEAL WITH YOUR WHINY HIDE IN THE DARK PRIVATE EMAILS. IF YOU WANT TO TALK TO ME, GROW A FUCKING SET AND MAN THE HELL UP. *Howard clutches at his chest a bit and looks like he is overwhelmed with emotion* You told me "If all of this is just a way of promoting your fed, I think it will not do what you intended to achieve." I'm not trying to achieve anything except let you and everyone in the NWA know how big of an idiot you are....looking around, I'd say "mission accomplished". On July 4th after NWA South Beach presents it's End of Days iPPV from the flight line on Hurlburt Field in Fort Walton Beach, Florida I will be leaving. You take a good long look at yourselves Kevin and Paul, because your window of opportunity is closing fast. When I leave to move on to bigger and better things, I will be leaving you in the dust and the NWA will be losing either it's 2nd or 3rd most talented writer. Kevin you told me that you gave me that chicken shit to work with for Fall Brawl because you didn't want me hating the NWA. Camera man, on my face right now. Kevin Crittenden, you listen to me and you listen good. The ONLY time that I have hated being in the NWA, are the times where I worked with you.
Howard: Tonight there will be three matches. Our opening contest will feature CM Punk against Jon Moxley. Mr. Punk you nearly caused Mr. Lethal to sustain a broken neck due to your actions a couple of days ago. Therefore tonight you will go toe to toe with your old adversary from the SEN vs. TOXIC days. Our second match tonight will see the NWA South Beach Tag Team Titles on the line as Flying While Intoxicated will be defending their belts against the team of Uhaa Nation and Ezekiel Jackson. You guys have been giving me quite the headache recently with the medical bills from the gentlemen you've defeated recently. I'm going to throw you in as a tag team and see what happens. Tonight's main event will be a triple threat match with South Beach's spot in the NWA North American Title Gauntlet match on the line. Ken Doane, you will be squaring off with Tyler Black, and your other opponent will be the man standing in the ring with me: Adam Cole. I'm going to be leaving the arena for the rest of the night because I have too much going on to be the authority figure you fans need and deserve tonight. Adam, make me proud. Enjoy your evening everyone. By the way, William Regal will be in charge for the rest of the evening. I'd have you be in my place JBL but I need you on commentary to educate the fans. You and Striker are two of the best color and play by play guys in the business.
Howard walks out of the ring singing "When I'm gone, when I'm goooone, you're gonna miss me when I'm gone". The screen fades to black and we go to a vignette hyping Starrcade.
We're back and Jon Moxley is coming to the ring and CM Punk follows him out right after, the bell rings and we are on our way.
Match Number One: Jon Moxley vs. CM Punk
We all know that both of these men can go in the ring. Punk was more focused than Jay was and it served him well as Moxley tried many of the same things he used on Lethal but to no avail. Punk managed to pick up the victory after picking Moxley up on an attempted Boma Ye and slamming him to the mat before locking in the Anaconda Vice in the middle of the ring. Moxley struggled valiantly but ended up having to tap out.
Winner: CM Punk
After the match Punk would celebrate to boos from the crowd but would get attacked by Lethal you came out of the crowd! Lethal and Punk would trade blows in the middle of the ring before William Regal came out, called Jay "Sunshine", and made a match between Jay Lethal and CM Punk for Starrcade.
We go to the back where NWA World Heavyweight Champion Christopher Daniels and South Beach Champion Low Ki are standing talking about the opening segment. Daniels looks into the camera and tells Cody that he had nothing to do with the masked man who attacked Cody during their match at the Battle of the Belts and that he would be more than honored to face Cody again before Starrcade. Daniels then turned his attention to Johnny Gargano and praised his ability in the ring as well as his dedication to fight for what he believes in. Their match for the NWA World Heavyweight Championship will be taking place at Broken Resolutions on January 5th at the American Airlines Arena. Daniels sincerely wishes Gargano along with the rest of The Revolution the best of luck in whatever they choose to pursue.
Match Number Two: Flying While Intoxicated(c) vs. Uhaa Nation and Ezekiel Jackson
James Storm looked really distracted in this match and it ended up being the champs' downfall. The tag champs' relatively uneventful reign ends after a Book of Ezekiel followed by an Uhaa Combination.
Winners (and NEW NWA South Beach Tag Team Champions): Uhaa Nation and Ezekiel Jackson
Uhaa grabs a mic and says that they are witnessing a new era in the NWA. Ezekiel Jackson is the personification of domination, and he is the man who is as strong as a nation. Together they are the Nation of Domination and will be the flag bearers for the new generation of NWA tag teams.
We get a recap of CPWs Battle of the Belts, which saw RVD win the CPW TV title after tearing the house down against the Miz in a ladder match.
Main Event: Ken Doane vs. Tyler Black vs. NWA South Beach TV Champ Adam Cole (a spot in the NA Title Gauntlet is on the line)
This match was high octane from the opening bell as all three men were out looking to prove something. Doane was looking to advance and go after the man who he believes took his "spot". Tyler Black has had a feud with Adam Cole since he joined the King of the Ring tournament. Adam Cole is just trying to pad his assertion that he is the next big star in the NWA. These men tore the house down for over an hour with each pin attempt or submission getting broken up. Late in the match Ken tried for an RK-Doane on Cole but Cole blocked it and turned it into a Corona Crash. Cole would show boat but turned around to get his teeth knocked out with an Avada Kedavra! Black with the pin and the win! Black will be going on to Starrcade!
Winner: Tyler Black
This is a HUGE win for the King of the Ring. Black looks in the camera and motions around his waist. Christmas Chaos goes off the air with the state of South Beach and the NWA in considerable chaos.
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